When talking about Lene’s wheelchair I mentioned that most adults don’t react at all when they see it. Which is true - most people don’t think twice when they actually see Lene driving around in her chair.

That doesn’t mean people don’t react to the two of us in other ways. I had expected one reaction but it didn’t happen much at all. I didn’t even think of the odd reaction we get most often.

I’ve talked about how it’s important to understand the deal when using software and how you also have to understand if using the software comes with a catch. That’s great for programs and apps that you use by yourself. What about larger systems that are used by lots of people. Those that help run whole business or organizations? An important consideration is to know how your work in the system impacts others. People do better with large systems if they know what they are doing and why. This was brought home to me years ago when I was working at a hospital that got taken over by another.

I’ve talked about the most obvious part of Lene’s disability - her wheelchair. Now I want to talk about something that isn’t obvious at all.

Being with Lene means being with her chronic pain. A combination of Rheumatoid Arthritis since she was a young child, the accumulated damage it has done to her body, various injuries, and fibromyalgia all contribute. Add aches and pains and the occasional migraine and it’s a painful mix. Pain is part of Lene’s life, and therefore part of mine as well. Let’s call it pain by proxy.

Being with someone who can be in a lot of pain is hard to deal with. I don’t want to ignore her pain or become numb to its presence. On the other hand watching my beloved hurt is hard. Granted it’s easier to be the observer than the one having the pain but it’s still hard. The grunts and groans, the sighs and intakes of breath, the careful movements and the cringing are something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy let alone on Lene.